Transitions: Whatever in the world next… Part 2
This is my second blog post in a series of three.
In this series, I aim to shed a little light on some of the reasons behind the meltdowns our children have when things change – i.e. when there are transitions.
The value of giving our children a heads up, can’t be highlighted enough, if you ask me. So, I’m letting you in on a tried and tested parenting tool to make getting through the day a little less bumpy!
Now, Then, Next
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I left off my last post with the phrase… “Now, Next, Then,” now I’ll explain how this seemingly simple combination of words can work a little magic. This is a well documented strategy with very good evidence base. The idea behind this strategy is that, by preparing children for upcoming events and changes, through clearly sequencing events we help them to reduce anxiety, increase self-confidence and independence. I am a firm believer that all children, of all ages – and let’s face it – adults – benefit from having things clearly laid out.
We all like to know what’s coming next – be it small shifts or big changes. It helps us to plan things out in our own minds, prepare ourselves emotionally and ultimately feel there is a sense of predictability about the world around us. We may accept that we can’t control things, but we can decide how we want to operate within the confines of circumstances we are presented with. We have schedules, timetables, planners, forecasts…all manner of things that we rely on – our little ones have the same needs. To know what on earth is going on!
So – I am definitely not suggesting that we create even more clunky admin (Lord knows I am not an admin fan!). Instead, what I am recommending, is that we help our children to orientate themselves in the world on a moment to moment basis. By giving them short chunks of information about the plans for a block of time – we provide them with the opportunity to align with us, to think about how they would like to work with the plans and ultimately to feel a greater sense of control in what is mostly an adult-directed world.
Take a typical morning, how many times do you find yourself feeling like you’re losing it in a major way because kiddo just never seems to grasp that we need shoes on before (!) we walk out the door? We often assume that children know these things. Alternatively, we believe our genius kids can just smoothly adapt to sudden changes in activity and focus. By breaking things down into short segments, we empower our children to learn extremely important life skills, including organisation, emotion regulation and autonomy.
Here are a few illustrations of how Now, Then, Next can be seamlessly slotted into your repertoire!
“Now – we are having breakfast, Next – I need you to go and put your shoes on, Then – we are leaving the house.” The beauty of this simple technique is that you can shrink it down into very short time frames, depending on the age and ability of your child. For instance, a shorter time frame might be, “Now – we are washing your hair with shampoo, Next – we will rinse it out and Then – you can put in the conditioner.” Or expand it to cover a longer time frame – “Now we are going to bed – (Next) in the morning when we wake up we will have a quick breakfast, and Then we will get a taxi to the airport.”
As with all things we attempt to add into our repertoire – it will likely take practice and we have to consciously remind ourselves to do it – but after a little while, it tends to become habit and we start to do it naturally. This technique – as with every parenting technique is not a magic wand – it may be that a few things need tweaking before you see the full benefits of this.
In all honesty, I have also found this technique actually helps me to think things through and be clearer on what I need to do to make things work – which is definitely a good thing for us all!!!
A few take away points:
Increase predictability for our children
Enable children to sequence events
Increase children’s ability to adjust emotionally and cognitively to changes
Let’s be mindful that our children need to feel a sense of control in the world
In the third and final blog in this series, I’ll trouble shoot a few of the common sticking points parents often come across when using this technique. In the meantime, I would love to hear your thoughts on this – reply in the comments or send me an email – info@wearefullcircle.co