Context matters
Seeing the wood for the trees is totally possible!
In this second post in the series focused on thinking about our children’s and teen’s mental health, I will focus on some of the questions we can ask ourselves and others, to help make sense of any changes we might be wondering about.
In my previous post (Observing our children’s mental health), I acknowledged that children change frequently. It is important that parents can feel reassured that change is normal and is expected within the childhood and teenage years – it is how we know our children are growing and developing.
In the context of the current pandemic, where our children have needed to adapt to some big life changes, very rapidly, we are even more likely to have observed some differences in them. However, the changes I am referring to are those that seem out of the ordinary for your child.
As I mentioned previously, if you are concerned about the safety of your child, please contact a health professional immediately. Your GP is a good first point of contact.
My aim is to help you as a parent, evaluate whether the change(s) you have noticed could benefit from having any further intervention, whether that be from you or a professional. The additional information I recommend obtaining, will provide a fuller picture of what is happening, which makes it much easier to discuss your concerns with others if you do decide to seek additional support.
Building a Fuller Picture
You may have noticed that your child seems out of sorts and figured out a little about whether it’s their emotions, thoughts, behaviours – or all of these – that seem off-balance. At this point, you might still be finding it hard to pinpoint or fully describe your concerns to someone else.
Framing your observations around the following points can be a useful way of building a fuller picture.
1. Context
Make a note of some fundamentals to create a more holistic view of what’s going on - What, Where, When, With Whom and How Often:
What: Detail the change you have noticed (i.e., emotions, thoughts, behaviours). This was covered in the previous post.
Where: In what places or situations are changes more noticeable, for instance, at home, school, or everywhere?
When: Are there particular points in time when the behaviours are pronounced? (e.g. each day, weekly, monthly).
With whom: Are the changes more obvious when your child or teen is in the presence of particular people (e.g. family members, others known to the family, strangers)? Do others in your circle notice the change?
How often: What is the frequency of the concerning behaviours?
2. Time
Thinking about how long the change has been present for, is important. When we understand this it helps to clarify when things may have started to affect your child. It could also be helpful in working out what factors might have contributed to the situation.
In thinking about time, we could also consider whether things have gotten more or less problematic, or stayed the same. If things appear to be improving, it could be that the difficulties are resolving. If on the other hand, the difficulties seem to have become more acute, it is likely that your child may need some additional support, perhaps from a professional.
3. Other Perspectives
It is often helpful to ask other people who know and have regular contact with your child if they have noticed anything concerning about their overall demeanour and behaviour. This might family members, teachers, coaches & after school club providers, or close friends (if child is a teenager). It can be a simple question – “How do you think xxx is doing? Have you noticed anything different about xxx?” Their observations can help build more of a view of what is going on.
In summary
Bringing some of these elements together provides a great starting point for a conversation within the family and/or with a professional. These insights help to build a fuller a picture, that will enable decision-making around what might be a useful next step.
You certainly do not have to cover every single item – you may prefer a more free-flowing approach. However, if you do want to put some structure to your thinking about things, these pointers should be helpful.
In the next two posts in this series, I will focus on things we can do to support our children, to keep building and maintaining positive mental health and emotional wellbeing.
Please comment and share if you find this useful. Wishing you all the best until the next instal!
Photo credit: Jimmy Dean on Unsplash
Disclaimer - This blog post is for information purposes only and not published in place of the author’s professional advice. If you are worried about your child or teen’s mental health or wellbeing or think that they may be at risk in some way, it is important that you get help from professional services.